A Child in Darkness
by Karneene
Summary: Oneshot: While cleaning out the mansion's storage, Kaoru finds memorabilia from their days in Ouran. T for language, HikaKao.


Kaoru sighed as he surveyed the mansion's storage space. There was so much nonsense down here, and Hikaru wasn't even there to help. He was at a mandatory meeting for the company; it had to have one of them, and they'd promised to clean out the boxes down here for weeks to make room for… well, more junk. He could understand where their parents' logic stemmed from though; he and Hikaru had their own place now. It was a decent sized place for what the world thought were two rich bachelors. He sighed again and waved the cleaning crew down.

"Old clothes, toys, games - throw them away, if it's questionable bring it to me," he said resignedly. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted 2 boxes in the corner; large and unsuspecting, they were marked OURAN in large black sharpie strokes. "Clean those and bring them up for me."

The tape was dirty and cracked, and Kaoru blinked at it thoughtfully. High-school paraphernalia sitting in their basement? Who knew? He felt a little guilty opening it without his brother, but he shrugged. Hikaru could reminisce when he got home. Random artifacts from ten years ago weren't important enough to stress over.

_Well, that's when the two of you really came clean,_ Kaoru told himself thoughtfully. This was dismissed offhandedly as pointless drabble. It wasn't like there'd be anything important concerning that in the boxes. They'd always had to hide their feelings for one another. That had never been something to be taken lightly. He shrugged off any apprehensions and opened the box with a dramatic billowing of dust. Coughing, he waved it away to reveal a few school uniforms. He held one up with a little smile.

_We're a bit taller now…_ he thought to himself with a smile. It quickly turned dry, however, when he realized his waist was about the same. _Not that we bulked up at all…_

He waved a maid over. "Have these washed for me?" he asked. She nodded and took them away, and Kaoru reached into the dusty box again, coming up with a sheath of papers marked CREATIVE WRITING. He smirked; Hikaru's least favorite class. In senior year, creative writing was mandatory of course, but Kaoru had wanted to take it. They'd settled on a deal; advanced Math and Science classes for Hikaru and advanced Language and History classes for Kaoru. Kaoru liked school in general and language encompassed several classes, so Hikaru was really the one who'd gotten the short end of the stick, but…

He flipped through the pages, sneezing. Angsty teenage poems, terrible attempts at artistry in the margins of notes, old assignments… his fingers paused over a piece. He remembered this one; Hikaru had refused to let him read it, saying that Kaoru would laugh at the terrible quality of it. They had been looking at English Literature, and had just finished Orwell's 1984. The teacher had asked them to describe their own personal Room 101. Kaoru hadn't had much trouble with it. Him, alone in the dark, no light, no one to save him. That was his nightmare. He paused, staring at the title, then shrugged; Hikaru surely couldn't care about this anymore. He put the papers aside and leaned back with the assignment.

_I guess each person has their own personal dilemma, fear, phobia, whatever._ The teacher had marked this sentence several times with red pen. Hikaru had always gotten in trouble for informality. Kaoru smiled a little and kept on reading.

_I know this is supposed to be a personal piece, but I don't know that I'm comfortable putting down my deepest fears onto paper. I suppose I'll just write in vague terms. _Kaoru snickered to himself. Hikaru had been right; this was terrible. Hikaru usually bullshitted his way – rather eloquently, truthfully – through assignments and managed with A-s. He must have really been shaken up. Kaoru shook his head at his brother's antics and kept going.

_I've had this reoccurring dream for quite some time now, although I suppose by definition it's really more of a nightmare. I'm surrounded by darkness on every side, and the only light I can see is coming from a girl._ The teacher had circled this with a question mark, asking questions about the girl, but Kaoru knew who it was already. He scowled a little, thinking of the dilemma Ms. Suoh caused all those years ago, then shrugged. It was over, and Hikaru was where he belonged now. He kept reading.

_As I watch, she keeps getting farther and farther away, but I can't go to her because Kaoru is lying at my feet and he's dying. I pick him up and try to run after the girl with him in my arms, but I can't run fast enough no matter how hard I try. He keeps telling me to put him down, to leave him there, but I can't. All these images keep flashing by me, moments with my brother and moments with the girl, all in black and white, all blurred and shadowed, and the pictures keep fading as the girl gets farther and farther away. _

_The girl starts to scream my name, telling me to catch her or I won't be able to find her. Kaoru tells me to leave him, but I can tell he's just telling me that to save me from making a decision. I hate when he does this, so I ignore him and try to run faster, but the images keep spinning around until I trip over them and Kaoru keeps falling beyond the floor, and the girl disappears. Both of them keep screaming my name, but I can't see anything…_

Kaoru paused at the ellipses, not wanting to read anymore. Truthfully speaking, his brother's writing was rather atrocious, but that didn't matter. The images played back in his mind over and over again; falling into the darkness, calling his brother's name and yet trying so hard to be happy for him, to let him pursue the path he wanted…

"Hey Kao, sorry I'm so late. Those idiots took forever…" Hikaru trailed off, looking at his brother's still from in the middle of the livingroom. Servants were walking back and forth with boxes of toys and various other artifacts of their childhood, but Kaoru sat with a sheet of paper in his hand looking like he'd seen a ghost. "Kaoru? What is that?"

Before his brother could move, he snatched it out of his hands. His brow furrowed at golden eyes darted over the paper. Kaoru shook his head to clear it and kept digging through the box like nothing had happened. He pulled out a photo album and flipped through as Hikaru gave his brother a hard look. He paused at an image of them cosplaying, all dressed up as various medieval characters; the twins stood in shining silver armor, the plumes on their helmets and the trimming on their outfits gold and silver.

"I remember this… Tamaki couldn't figure out how to get out of his costume afterwards and he ended up tangling himself in it," Kaoru said, chuckling. "Haruhi ended up walking in on him changing…"

Hikaru didn't respond, still giving his brother a look. "Don't bother trying to fool me."

"Fool you?" Kaoru said innocently. Hikaru leaned down towards him, but Kaoru dodged him by leaning down into the box and whispering; "There are people around." As soon as he set eyes on his brother's scowl, he knew he would regret opening the box. He watched as the older young man motioned a servant over.

"You can finish up here without us, can't you?" The man nodded. "Have this box sent over to our place, with all this here. Anything you aren't sure about, leave there. I'm sure our parents won't mind a day or two more of a few boxes of junk sitting down there." The man nodded and called over a few more servants as Hikaru casually slung his arm over his brother's shoulder and practically dragged him out of the mansion. As soon as the door closed on Hikaru's black Aston Martin DBS. Kaoru had objected to his brother buying a sports car, but Hikaru had insisted and of course had gotten what he wanted; Kaoru never had much stomach for resisting his brother. Besides, Hikaru had said, it only went up to 190. The Vantage went up to 290, so he really shouldn't be complaining. Kaoru had snorted.

"What are you doing? Mother's been complaining forever. We should really-" Kaoru was cut off as Hikaru's lips met his roughly. He pulled back a few inches, still leaning over awkwardly.

"Shut up." He looked at his brother. "Why were you looking through that stuff without me, hm?"

Kaoru shrugged. "It didn't seem important." Hikaru made a frustrated noise and pulled back, starting the car and throttling violently. Kaoru couldn't help but think that ten years hadn't done much for his pseudo-sensitivity or his unmanageable temper. Kaoru watched the gauge nervously. "Hikaru…"

"All these years and you still won't talk to me about Haruhi or any of the shit that happened back then. It's been ten fucking years! We tell each other everything, but whenever it comes to this, you won't say a fucking word. You just close up like a fucking oyster."

_And his daily vernacular hasn't increased so much as it's become more…_ Hikaru blurted something else as he ran a light without looking. _Colorful._

"Do you _want_ another ticket?" Kaoru asked him calmly, watching the gauge hit sixty on a twenty mph street.

"Screw tickets," Hikaru said. "What the fuck is wrong with you that you won't talk to me?" Yet, he spun off the road towards their house, heading out to the longer stretches of road where he could drive without getting pulled over. Kaoru let out a breath he wasn't sure he'd been holding; Hikaru already had a terrible reputation for speeding. When it wasn't the Harley it was this damned car he'd insisted on buying. Half the time Kaoru wished they'd just split it evenly, that Hikaru would say he was Kaoru just to help even out the driving records. Kaoru's was almost spotless. His mind wandered as Hikaru ranted.

"Well?"

"What?"

"You weren't even fucking listening to me." The gauge climbed up to eighty. "I swear to god, Kaoru…"

"What do you want me to say?" Kaoru demanded, letting his typical calm demeanor fall away a little. "I almost lost you. I don't want to talk about it."

"Well we're going to fucking talk about it. I have let you slip out of this one for the last ten years. At first I didn't want to talk about it, but once we graduated I tried to talk to you. We're what? Twenty-fucking-six, and you can't even open your mouth about something that happened when you were sixteen?"

"You're the one cursing!" Kaoru blurted out. Hikaru was such a hypocrite… He set his jaw and watched the gauge quiver along ninety before dropping down to seventy.

"I'm not stopping this car until you talk to me," Hikaru said, his voice low. Kaoru shrugged, looking out the window. Sometimes he wished they'd stayed closer to home instead of moving. It was hard to find a good stretch of land; Bunkyō was really more of a residential area. With the speed this car went up to though it didn't matter so much. They got home in record time anyway. He watched light stream by in a line of color.

"You'll run out of gas," he said after a while. Hikaru's scowl deepened.

"What's your problem?" he demanded. Kaoru shrugged again.

"I don't want to talk about it. There's nothing to say, anyway."

Hikaru watched his brother for a few moments, which made Kaoru nervous. When the car was speeding along at almost ninety again, he'd rather his brother's eyes remained on the road. Finally a little of the tension went out of him, and he sighed and let the car slow back down to sixty. They sat somewhere in the middle of nowhere now, Hikaru being too caught up with his feelings to notice where they were. He sighed and pulled the car over, the water stretching out in front of them. Kaoru was a sucker for chick-flick-esque vistas. It was one of the reasons he'd agreed to move to their overly-modern glass house on the water. They had a lot of curtains due to Kaoru's paranoia about who their bedmates happened to be. Not that it mattered; Hikaru had bought up the stretch of land and the only road to it was guarded. It was a ridiculous concept as far as Kaoru was concerned, but they had enough friends over that the house had a rep for being something akin to playboy mansion or something equally sinful. Not that they did anything involving gorgeous females up there… unless it was the wives of their friends.

Hikaru pocketed the keys and pulled a bag out of the backseat. "Figured it was too late to cook, though it might be a little cold." He handed Kaoru a plastic take-out container. This might have previously been beneath him, but being single men with a maid that only came twice a week to clean, he'd gotten used to it. Kaoru had insisted on no servants; it was all about keeping the secret now. There was nothing else to worry about, truthfully speaking. They lived a charmed life. Who could expect anything different? Rich fashion designers who own a huge clothing company. Kaoru looked out at the starry sky and smiled a little.

"Despite how awful your typical attempts at romanticism are, when you don't try it comes out well enough," he said. Hikaru punched him playfully, and they sat on the hood of the car for a few moments.

"So… you're not going to talk."

"Nope."

"Why not?"

Kaoru shrugged, then grinned a little. "Can't let you have your way all the time."

"Oh?" Hikaru asked, turning his head to look at the younger red-head. A naughty smile spread across his face, and Kaoru immediately regretted teasing him. They put aside their food, Hikaru in preparation and Kaoru in wincing anticipation. Suddenly Hikaru pulled the young man into his lap. "Are you sure about that?"

"Let go of me," Kaoru said tiredly.

"You're hanging out with Kyoya too much," Hikaru said in response. He turned his attention to playing with Kaoru's ear. Kaoru tried to refrain from giving in. "You're so boring nowadays."

"You're being absurd."

"See? Who talks like that?"

"I do-" Kaoru cut himself off as he inhaled sharply, most likely a response to Hikaru biting his earlobe. "Stop that!"

"Why?"

"You've been hanging out with Tamaki too much," Kaoru countered, but his voice was wavering. "You've become a pest."

"Better a pest than boring."

"Says you," Kaoru said, gaining nerve. Hikaru sighed and twisted them around.

"Shut up," he grumbled, kissing him again. A teenager-esque moment stretched out for a minute or so, and Kaoru had a strange sense of déjà vu. It reminded him of one of those stupid movies; teenagers making out on the hood of a car before getting attacked by zombies. He smiled a little at the idea, and Hikaru pulled back. "What?"

"Nothing."

"Don't do that," Hikaru said warningly. Kaoru sighed and related his previous thoughts to his other half. Hikaru smiled encouragingly at him. "See? How hard was that?"

"It was trivial. There was no point to it. Does it really matter whether I related every single thought in my mind to you?" Kaoru said, annoyed. Hikaru held him tightly.

"It does to me." He looked into identical hazel eyes. "Talk to me."

"What do you want me to say?" Kaoru said resignedly. "I have you now. It doesn't matter."

"It still bothers you. You have nightmares every once in a while, wake up screaming. I would have dragged you to a shrink if I didn't think he'd drag up some shit we definitely don't want getting out," Hikaru said with a snort. His face turned serious. "I'm here. _We're_ here. Together. If that's all that matters, why won't you talk about it?"

"Cause there's nothing to say." Hikaru sighed, and Kaoru took his hand. He looked at him earnestly. "Honestly. I almost lost you, but I didn't. Haruhi married Tamaki. You're with me. That's it."

"That's it?" Hikaru asked hopefully. Kaoru smiled softly. He looked like a little kid, all wide eyes and pleading, clinging and hope.

"That's it."

"Promise?"

"I _promise_, Hikaru."

Hikaru looked at him for a few moments before smiling and pulling him back into his chest. They finished their dinner and stared up at the darkness of the night, the twinkling stars, in comfortable silence.

"Love you," Hikaru said quietly. Kaoru smiled. After ten years, his brother was still just like a child sometimes.

"I know."


End file.
